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Media panic

Patient in Zimbabwe: Doctor, my ears are falling off.
Doctor in Zimbabwe: Yes, this looks like serious shit! What did you do?
Patient: Fucked geese.
Doctor: So you have contracted goose bullshit!
Patient: Thank you, doctor! (died)
Doctor (writes in a journal): The patient died of goose bullshit.
Zimbabwean Ministry of Health Press Service: During the past week in Zimbabwe two and a half thousand people starved, five thousand four hundred died being poisoned eating rotten bananas and one person died from Goose-BS.
Journalist (recording): Goose bullshit entered the list of three main reasons of mortality rate in Zimbabwe.
News Agency: Cases of Incurable Goose Bullshit increased in Zimbabwe.
TV channel: An earlier unknown goose crap disease coughs up Zimbabwean population. Zimbabwe Ministry of Health Calls Not to to panic.
Scientific luminary A: Yes, goose bullshit is not known to science, this means it is a main threat.
Congo Air Airlines: We stop all flights to Zimbabwe until this goose bullshit epidemic is under control.
Scientific luminary B: The authorities are hiding facts! Actually Goose Bullshit already penetrated Europe - in Amsterdam they saw a sneezing black man with a goose under his raincoat.
The Press (publishes pictures of geese): Possible killers are nearby!
Politician: To fight the goose BS epidemic that swept the world it is necessary to exterminate all geese.
Police (trumps): Will be done.
Owners of goose farms: What the fuck are you up to? (They fight forcefully with the police under the click of the press camera flashes)
The Press: Conspiracy of Goose Farm Owners Threatens National security!
Minister of Health of Mongolia: To save the country from an epidemic goose bullshit, which has come close to our borders, we are extremely worried, one hundred million dollars must be allocated to re-equip the laboratory to fight duck bullshit.
Prime Minister of Mongolia: Yes, you are fucking right!
Mongolian President: Prime Minister is too mired in financial frauds, has organised contracts with China on the supply of bread and brazenly ignores a real threat to the population of freedom-loving Mongolia!
Former Prime Minister of Mongolia: Our party urgently demands to protect the population against the goose bullshit virus. Well, at least the population of eastern Mongolia.
Presidential candidate of Mongolia: The only way to save the country is stop relations with the rotting west, where the goose bullshit came from, and instead tighten cooperation with China and join its structure on autonomy rights. China will save us!
Voters of Mongolia: "Yes, you are fucking right!"
President of Mongolia (press statement): "The Goose Bullshit Virus was removed from secret laboratories in China on Mao’s personal order, solely for the genocide of the Mongolian people. And the occurrence of the goose bullshit pandemic in the current conditions is directly related to Beijing’s attempts to destabilize the already undermining crisis in The West and divert world attention from the deplorable state of democracy in China. "
Press: "A compatriot who returned from Zimbabwe was hospitalized with suspected goose crap. The plane was sent back to Zimbabwe with passengers."
The chief sanitary doctor of Mongolia: "The country is on the verge of an epidemic of goose bullshit. We can only rely on God."
Health ministers around the world: "Goose bullshit cannot being treated right now."
Minister of Health of Mongolia: "We have medicine for goose bs"
The Press: "Fuck!"
Prosecutor General: "What is the name of this medicine?"
Minister of Health of Mongolia: "It doesn’t matter"
Representatives of the pharmaceutical company Shit Farmaceuticals Limited: “Our specialists have developed the goose bullshit “goosoferon” medicine in the shortest possible time, which has proved its effectiveness. Due to the enormous cost of developing this completely new original mix of paracetamol, aspirin and vitamin C, the cost of the medicine will still be $ 20 for a pack of 4 tablets, wholesale customers receive a 10% discount. "
US President Baranomama: "Allocate $ 250,000,000 for the purchase of 9 million doses of goosopheron and, through WHO and UNICEF channels, send it as humanitarian aid to Mongolia to treat the goose bullshit epidemic."
The Press: "A compatriot who returned from Zimbabwe, who suffered from goose crap, was found to be suffering not from goose crap, but the usual, long-known crap, of which alone in the US last year suffered more than 8 million people."
World Health Organization (WHO): At the insistence of the governments of several countries and representatives of the meat industry, it was decided not to use the term "goose bullshit" for the new variety of bullshit, but to replace it with the technical name of the virus - "Bullshit A (H1N1)," the report said on the organization’s website.
Representative of Shit Pharmaceuticals Limited: “Samples of goose bullshit strains, which turned out to be common bullshit, have already been obtained from Mongolia. But the company promises to make a universal vaccine against bullshit in six months.”
Scandal in Europe: "In a laboratory in Austria, a vaccine sample was leaked from ordinary bullshit mixed with goose goofy viruses."
The Press: "What the fuck did they need this for?"
Representative of Shit Pharmaceuticals: "It was not a vaccine"
The Press: "Why the fuck was this crap sent to a bunch of countries?"
WHO Representative: “Yes, we confirm. It was not a vaccine.”
The Press: "Are they idiots?"
WHO Representative: “This is very important because a million children die every year from measles in the world.”
The Press: "They're just morons!"
Representative Shit Farmaceutikals (aside): "morons or no morons, we already got our 200 million bucks ..."
WHO Representative (aside): "And we also received our 50 million."
Rospotrebnadzor (Russian Consumer Organization, two months later): "It was a vaccine."
Minister of Health of Mongolia: "Despite the fact that goose bullshit turned out to be ordinary bullshit, we are introducing mandatory vaccinations for the population of Monoglia against that bullshit, using a vaccine which we had already in stock."
The main veterinarian of Estonia: In an appeal to the Mongolian migrant workers who came to the country, he asked them to refrain from close contacts with local pigs.
Correspondent from Zibabwe: "Breaking news! Due to the fear of contracting goose bullshit, the number of tourists has sharply decreased and local prostitutes have been left without work, which threatens the economic crisis in the country."
The Press: "Fuck!"
Hollywood spokesperson: “The new American blockbuster Zimbabwe in serious BS” is already on the cinema screens. Starring: Comrade Omama from Zimbabwe and Gus. (Cool Erotica) "
Yellow Press: "In the red light district of Amsterdam there is an excessive demand for live geese!"
Geese: "Yes, we are fucked!"


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